Not So Happy Birthday To Me

I remember when I was little and still actually believed the world revolved around me, and my birthday was the most amazing day of the year for me. I always had over the top birthdays where I was the center of attention (not like that wasnt any different from any other day) but it was expected and acceptable for me to be the center of attention. I remember one birthday, I probably was like 7 and I devestated because this other girl was having a birthday party at storybook land too and I had to share the big huge birthday cake party area with her and I wasnt having it. Now that I look back on those birthdays I wish sharing my big birthday cake party area was my biggest disappointment...Now the disappointment of my life, the disappointment of others, and pain of being lonely is the only thing I can feel. I usually am a happy person, upbeat, and keep a positive game face on no matter what the circumstance is but not today. Today it took everything I had not to break into tears when my coworkers lit 22 candles on a cake for me and sung Happy birthday...Birthdays didnt always suck but they do now when at least for me that is...The make is nearly impossible to ignore how much life has changed, how much everybody in your life has changed, and how much I have changed. Another year has passed and I am nowhere near to where I wished to be or where I thought I'd be. Life is confusing and I am officially confused....I cant even pretend to be happy when someone says happy birthday because although theres plenty to be happy about there are very few people to be happy with... “Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.”.....I dont even know anymore...<3ashleyelizabeth